2013 Premier Cuts Week UPDATE

Here's the update:

Trophy Wife: UNDECIDED! It's on the regular DVR list but I'm finding it too similar to Modern Family. I don't need two heart warming alternative family comedies in my life. This gets 2 more episodes but if it doesn't get better than Modern Family (doubt it will) it will be cut.

Sleepy Hollow: DUMPED!

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: DATE! This will be regularly DVRed in my home. I'm in for season one.

Marvel: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: UNDECIDED but leaning towards dumping it. It's just a superhero CSI type show and I'm not into those shows. The lead (the guy who gets killed in Avengers) is so...lame while trying to act cool. It's not working for me. I hope Joss Whedon can come through. One more episode.

The Blacklist: UNDECIDED Two episodes in it's still keeping my attention. It reminds me of Alias. It also has Mike from Homeland and the Russian girl from The Americans made an appearance. It seems to be amassing minor characters from all other spy/crime shows. Two more episodes.

The Crazy Ones: PROBABLY! I actually kind of liked this one. I like Bob Benson trying to rap. I don't like Buffy very much and it's a short show, but I think this one will turn into a long lived show. Whether I will watch it or not is another thing. I'm giving it 3 more episodes.

Moms: Didn't even bother. I watch too much TV already. DUMPED BEFORE IT BEGAN!

The Michael J. Fox Show: REALLY CLOSE TO DUMPED! MJF is cool, but I'm still getting over the awkward parkinsons faces he makes. I know this is probably wrong to admit but it feels weird when he's always moving and jerking. The equality and justice fighter in me doesn't like the idea of a show being produced because the lead used to be a BIG STAR but wouldn't be hired if he didn't have that pedigree. No way a funny, short John Doe with parkinson's gets this show. It bothers me that I keep thinking about this while they're making wisecracks about children busting into their bedroom without knocking. I know that show biz is totally inbred and I loved Back to the Future as much as anyone but come on!

I will suffer through one more week of these mediocre shows for the good of the 8 people who read this blog. I do this for YOU!

The Gospel of Walter

Chapter 1

1. Verily, verily I say unto you, Wo unto my servant Skyler White for I know thine heart and your works in these latter days have been an abomination before me. Wherefore your reward shall be destruction, and the fruit of thine looms shall be given unto her more faithful sister Marie.

2. For whosoever seeketh to deceive and plotteth against the children of men to gain riches and followeth after the evil serpent Heisenberg shall likewise be hewn into the fiery furnace at the last day.

3. Nevertheless, Jesse Pinkman I have beheld thy works and do judge thine heart and shall show thee mercy. In seasons past thou hast labored in wickedness before me and hast reaped the bitter fruit, but because thou hast set thy heart not upon riches and endeavored to do that which was just in this season thou shalt escape the fire of my wrath and suffer no more. Wherefore go unto Brock and raise him up in the straight path and sin no more.

4. And now I say unto the Nazis, thy days are surely numbered. For there is a law irrevocably decreed in heaven that all Nazis must ultimately perish. Wherefore I will allow the evil one to trod thee under foot and thou shalt be cast aside as dross.

5. And now Landry, thou hast disappointed me most of all. I shewed thee mercy after thou didst slay Tyra's stalker in the land of Texas. Yeah, and after thou wast granted a new name in a new land thou hast openly rebelled against them that loved thee. Great will be their joy when thy wickedness before me is avenged.

* this was written by a friend of a friend. Not a 14 o'clock original.

2013 FALL SEASON PREMIER CUTS

What new shows should we get into?

In the interest of keeping 14 o'clock free from crappy TV shows I have researched extensively the new programing coming out this fall. Space on my DVR is precious so choosing a new show is very much like choosing a girlfriend...back when I did that...* If they're good I will keep watching, if they're dumb, clingy, or boring they will be dumped.

NEW SHOWZZZZZ:

Trophy Wife (ABC): The premier for this show was pretty funny. Definitely potential with a strong lead blonde girl and some funny kid characters. This show has everything the Goldbergs (DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME) doesn't have. One episode in...I'm cautiously optimistic. My wife thinks this will be a show she starts dating but I dump.

Sleepy Hollow (FOX): I made it through the first episode and wasn't impressed but I was entertained. This show is the girl who you really don't think you could date, but was pleasant enough to warrant a second date. Monday night Sleepy Hollow got that second date. It also got promptly removed from my DVR series recorder. Too weird, too little chemistry between the leads, not funny when it's supposed ot be funny and not scary when it's supposed to be scary. DUMPED.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine (Fox): This show benefits from the time slot opening for New Girl and The Mindy Project. Two shows I'm going real steady with. So why not watch a 20 min show to warm up for these two? This is the same way I originally got attached to Community. Two episodes in I think this show will have staying power if they can get the whole "we're funny but we're solving serious crimes" thing to go a little easier. It's a little weird to watch Samburg jack around while they're investigating a murder over a stolen ham. I also think that making the Captain an openly gay yet deadpan somber character makes is a little...forced? Either way this show has the best potential for turning into a multi season relationship of all I've watched so far.

Marvel: Agents of SHIELD (ABC): After watching the first episode I have committed to giving it three more episodes to keep me. I was very luke warm on the first episode but I did like the British team members, they seem pretty cool. And there's a hacker. So...there's that. And I guess I like the fact that they keep tying back into the Avengers storyline. But the main guy, the one who dies in the Avengers movie...he's trying too hard. It's off putting. TBD.

COMING SOON:

The Blacklist
The Crazy Ones
Mom
The Michael J Fox Show

I see one, MAYBE two shows surviving this first month and making it into a serious DVRing relationship. Stay tuned to find out.

*This statement implies that I was doing the "choosing" when it came to dating. I think 99% of my ex relationships would disagree with that sentiment. A more accurate word to describe my life in the dating world might be "begging."

What I'm Watching: the unabridged list

I'm busy. These are the shows that are worth my time:

Breaking Bad - Best show on television. I would reschedule my wedding to make sure I was available                            to watch the finale this weekend. 

The Americans - The first season of this show was great. I'm really looking forward to the next season. Could this maybe replace the hole that Breaking Bad will leave in my TV-watching heart?

Scandal - Good characters. Good drama.  Worth 40 minutes a week.

Homeland - This show started really strong with a first season that was pretty intense. The second season had great moments but the relationship

The Mindy Project - A really solid comedy, the highlight of Fox Tuesday nights.

New Girl -  Great opening seasons but it's starting to slow a bit. Not sure if the show can survive with Jess and What's-his-name a couple.

Walking Dead - At the end of every season I ask myself if I'm going to keep watching for one more. As of right now I'm still in, if for no other reason than to watch as the show implodes with a weird spin-off series. AMC is definitely the dirty prostitute of television networks.

Community - What was once the best "underground" comedy on television stumbled a bit in the last season. Show creator Dan Harmon is back this season after being fired by network robots. I have high hopes for season 5...if it ever actually makes it to the air. I'm also sad Donald Glover is leaving. Maybe it's time for this ride to come to an end.

Mad Men - This final season will not be that great. You heard it here first. But a crappy season of MM is still better than 90% of what's on TV today. As long as it's on, I will watch it.

Parks and Recreation - This is the best comedy on television right now. Watching this show makes me happy because it reminds me of the 30 Rock, Office, Community, Parks and Rec POWERHOUSE NBC Thursday nights of yore.

Nathan for You - This is the new best underground comedy on television. Watch it.

Modern Family - This show gets worse and worse every season yet still seems to win Emmys. I'm still watching it, mostly because there's nothing better on Wednesday night.

Portlandia - This hipster comedy is pretty hit or miss but I really like Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein. I watch for them.

Saturday Night Live - I love the tradition of this show. I love the culture of this show. I love New York. I wish I could have been a part of this show, even if it was just as a studio custodian. The sketches are hit and miss but this show is like following college sports teams. You watch as comedians come in and go out. Some players make it past the show to the big time and some don't. And we can sit back and argue for hours about who is the best weekend update anchor of all time. I also really enjoy watching other actors, athletes, etc. in the uncomfortable world of sketch comedy. 38 seasons and counting.

The Bachelor Franchise - I've watched it. I'm not proud of it. I haven't watched every season, but I've watched more than I care to admit. They have a winning formula, that's obvious. But when I look at the 2-3 hour episodes on my DVR...in that moment...I am ashamed. I don't plan on watching Juan Pablo in action this winter. But I said that last year too.


Notably Missing:


The Daily Show- I don't think John Stewart is very funny. There. I said it.

The Colbert Report - This show is great. WAY better than The Daily Show. I've just never had the discipline for daily shows. If this show was on once a week I bet I would be a faithful watcher.

The Good Wife - I keep hearing good things but have never taken the time to care about it.

Sons of Anarchy - Watched the pilot. Liked it a lot. Will watch it someday when I have the time.

Justified - Watched the first season. Really really liked it. Haven't had time to get back to it.

The Middle - A fun show. I like that it stars a truly lower middle class family. Something that no other big time show does. They don't try to draw us in with cool loft apartments and expensive vacations. Even Parks and Rec, set in Crapville, Indiana looks nicer than the Indiana of this show. I respect that. I have never watched it faithfully but I definitely have a warm spot in my heart for this one.

Big Bang Theory - For some reason I hate CBS super shows. Maybe because they appeal to too many people? I will watch this someday.

Parenthood - Tried it. No time for it.

The League - So funny, so raunchy.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - See above.

Game of Thrones - I read the books, I'm afraid to see some of those scenes acted out...

House of Cards - I'll watch it. It's next on the list.

Girls - Maybe...

Veep - I'm planning on it as soon as I get DVD service on my Netflix account.


Will NEVER Watch:

Survivor

Biggest Loser

Anything Kardashian

CSI: Miami or any show even remotely like it

The Tonight Show - Jay Leno is old news

Revenge